Satiricus News-Journalix. Democracy Dies in Money, and Monkey Semen.

Daily Life

ATI: Polar Vortex?! Is This Bad News?

Ask The Internet, Science, Weather

farts, polar vortex
Tom Hardy’s 2nd Rap Album to Include Features with Grimace, Hamburgler, Wendy, and Burger King

Article, Media, Scullery & Swill

Bane, fastfood, music, rap, Tom Hardy
ATI: What Divisive Social Issue Will Green Lantern (HBO) Do Next?

Ask The Internet, Media

green lantern, racism
VNR Software Creates First Ever Moral Fitness Assessment for CEOs!

Article, Media, Technology

app, CEO, personality test, resume
ATI: When Will Jack Ryan Stop the Ukraine Invasion?

Ask The Internet, International News, Media, Politics

Amazon, Jack Ryan, Ukraine
Ayn Rand Reviews: Paw Patrol: The Dino Movie (2026)

Article, Film Reviews

Ayn Rand, dinosaurs, Paw Patrol
Lasers, Bear Traps, Exploding Cigars Are Latest Deterrents from ADT’s New Brand of Feminine Protection: InvulneVag

Article, Fashion, Healthcare, Promotional Content, Technology

ADT, safety, underwear, vagina
ATI: Are You Smarter Than a Horse?

Ask The Internet, Pets

horses
After Microwaving Hotdogs for Dinner, Dad Imagines Future as Michelin Chef

Article, Daily Life, Scullery & Swill

dad, hotdogs, restaurant
ATI: What Will You Get Dad for Father’s Day?

Ask The Internet, Daily Life, Etiquette

cigarettes, dads, father’s day, god-damned peace and quiet, milk
Natural Causes Kill John Wick’s Yorkie-Doodle Mix. Pope Shits His Pointy Hat

Article, Pets, Religion

dogs, God, John Wick, murder, pope
ICE-Displaced Criminals Start “Fictional” Crime Podcast “Only Murders in Your Neighborhood”

Article, Media, Police Beat

crime, ICE, podcast
Janet Yellen Drops New Hip-Hop Track as Dolla-Dolla Fed’Ye feat. Lil Fed & Gov. Da Bank

Article, Media

Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve Bank, hip-hop, Janet Yellen, music video
VNR QUIZ: Were You Cleopatra In a Past Life, or Just a Cockroach in Jersey?

Article, Daily Life, Society and Humanities

cleopatra, listicle, quiz, roach
Mid-50s, Overweight, Balding, Divorced, Emotionally Crippled, Absentee-Father is Sure Zendaya is “The One That Got Away”

Article, Dumpster Fires, Media, Society and Humanities

stalking, Zendaya