Back From the Dead
Well folks. It’s me. I’m back. Ayn Rand is back from the dead. Can you believe it? That’s right. Me, Ayn Rand, the philosophical juggernaut that finally gave rich people the belief system they needed to feel they’re winning the game of comparative suffering. And let me, tell you. It’s about time I came back. Yes! Because now, Atlas isn’t shrugging.
I’ve found John Galt, he is a 4′ 8″ genius inventor and innovator from Adventure Bay. He surrounds himself with loyal, ethical producers. They are a team of civil responders, engineers, law enforcement, and individualistic thrill seekers. These heroes are 2yr old, CGI puppy-dogs genetically altered to talk despite having no biologically compatible larynx. They are highly trained responders. And this new John Galt? He is ten years old, has a perfect coiffe, and his name is Ryder, inventor, industrialist, and commander of an elite team of puppies.
It’s hotter than “2-girls, 1-cup,” and momma likey “2-girls, 1-cup” real good like. Yeeeaahhhhhh….
I can’t believe it. Someone captured the essence of my work, in the form of a powerhouse team of CGI puppies stripping island resources from collectivist dinosaurs. What joy! “Paw Patrol: The Dino Movie (2026)” is the greatest story on objectivism, ever made.
Next time you watch the film, look closely at these themes. Notice who has the money. Who is the captain of innovation? Who is driving that innovation forward? And who are the moochers?
Ryder, this man-child, cartoon titan of Adventure Bay, rebuilt a custom-designed firetruck in one day, by himself, and made it better. One day! Watch the film. At one point, the custom-made firetruck was wrecked so thoroughly it would normally be scrapped by insurance. Ryder, though, is a true productive mind. He fixes the truck without any tools, or government overreach OSHA regulations to protect children in a hazardous workplace, which is amazing. Ryder embodies the core tenet of objectivism when he eschews safety regulations for working children. That’s pure individualism.
But this movie is layered, unlike my books which are flatter than a Nebraska landscape. There is another character in the film, a captain of self-interest. This is the dark horse, the antithetical protagonist to Ryder. This sexually magnetic stallion is Mayor Humdinger. His oafishness and ugly appearance hides the truth that he is the movie’s main focus of raw, burning, sexuality. His onscreen charisma is overwhelming, and his chemistry with the trapper–being this movie’s version of Dagny–is unquenchable. Let’s just say his sexuality is hotter than a rock baked at 400° for 30 minutes. It’s hotter than baked ziti, hotdogs, or hotter than closing orphanages the day before Christmas and then suing Santa Claus for emotional damages.
It’s hotter than “2-girls, 1-cup,” and momma likey “2-girls, 1-cup” real good like. Yeeeaahhhhhh…. It’s why he’s seen being followed by a bunch of pussy throughout the movie.
This movie goes further into the dangers of collectivism greater than “Atlas Shrugged.” It shows moments where the island natives needed assistance from the brave, pure-hearted, industrialist, Ryder. These island natives are stupid and and can’t solve their own problems. They run in packs, stealing food from the elite CGI puppies like Rubble, the hunky, cartoon puppy-dog that makes most MILFs blush, in their secret places. These natives are lazy, build nothing, take what they can, and won’t capitalize on the island resources to build a technological mecca that would be sure to enslave their future population. And just who are these natives? These social moochers? These collectivist union-bosses? These leftist-commie, feel-good, thieves of productivity? They are the dinosaurs! The ones referenced in the title of “The Dino Movie.” Their cartoonish cuteness and non-violence is a tool for the weak to beguile the ethical producer.
Don’t be fooled by cartoon dinosaurs! They want to mooch from the noble, self-interested elite! There’s a moment where one dinosaur falls into a ravine, which is a clear call to support government overreach like OSHA and other unethical regulations that impede laissez-faire industry. This is a message reaffirmed when Mayor Humdinger almost dies for rightly strip mining the island of its unused diamonds.
If the dinosaurs weren’t going to use the diamonds to make laser guns or helicopters, why should they get to keep them?
Rating
Bravo Paw Patrol for teaching kids that self-interest is ethical, and that needing help is for losers and moochers!
However, this movie contains no sex scenes. That’s why this movie only gets 4/5 “Shrugs.”
