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You Too Can Stop Idiots From Running Big Companies.
Have you ever used those lame personality tests that use regular science–with electrodes, test tubes, and those slutty Erlenmeyer flasks? Have you created an identity matrix of your personality? What the hell is an INTFJ Eneagram anyway? Those tests are CRAP!! But not ours…
We didn’t spend millions of dollars on real science. We didn’t even spend $10.
We created a new science and called it, “Bigly Science”, and we used it to crap this app out of our brain sphincters and right into your grubby, little hands.
The CEO Application Application is a fully functional, seriously satirical personality test that measures your morality, judgment, and basic decency — all in the name of corporate leadership. Through a series of provocative questions, you’ll discover whether you’re fit to lead… or just another sociopath in a suit.
“9/10 dentists agree, this app is the tits.“
– American Association of the Decadent Dentist Ratings Cabal
But VNR, Why Bring Such Joy into a Dark World?
That’s a great question. To put it bluntly, we think there’s an untapped market of new assholes just waiting for their chances to become CEOs of the world’s largest companies. And boy when they finally do… I mean, like… wow. So much. Y’know? Therefore, we want to help that rising tide of frustration against the clear and present danger of moral, corporate malfeasance.
So, you ask us why? It’s simple. Because fuck those guys. Fuck ’em long, fuck ’em hard, and use lots of sand. Maybe when you and I can worry about which of our mistresses, or misterses, are screwing the second-underbutler poolpersons while we jet off to Bali to try the latest coffee infused, Xanax laced, homeopathic suppository to pair with our class B+ elementary school backed security tranches then we can talk about fairness for the beleaguered billionaire. When we have yachts that have baby yachts that come with our own Bond women piloted helicopters… then we can talk about how CEOs are so underappreciated. Until then, put more sand in the Vaseline, and add some lemon juice while you’re down there, because we’re here to make some new assholes CEOs.
How it Works
- Take the Quiz
Answer a series of questions designed to probe your moral compass, leadership instincts, and tolerance for basic human decency. - Get Your Tier Rating
Receive a “CEO fitness score” ranked from Tier 1 to Tier 4:- Tier 1: A highly decent, morally grounded leader (huh… you might be the CEO the prophecies foretold, that one that can lead without TPS reports).
- Tier 4: A morally bankrupt sociopath (congrats, you’re qualified to make money from juicing puppies).
- Review Your Results
See how your answers shaped your score. Laugh, reflect, or recoil — it’s all part of the experience. - Brag About Your Achievements
Your participation matters, and we record your decline into depravity with themed achievements. - Generate Your Resume
The app creates a satirical PDF “resume” of your responses and Tier rating. - Send It Out
Email your resume to the company of your choice. If they’re hiring idiots, wouldn’t it be better for you to apply?
Why it’s Unique
Shit. You know it’s unique! We made it. When was the last time you read a site that vomited reason and sanity at you in a rainbow of cacophonous screes, fever dreams, and barbed sarcasms? Yesterday? Guess what, that was us. Nothing we do is like anyone else and this app is more of the face-plastering WTF you’ve come to know and bemusedly tolerate from our crack team of numbskulls and pants-poopers.
Also, the app has these cool features:
- Tiered Scoring System: A morality-meets-aptitude test with a punchline.
- PDF Resume Export: Turn your questionable answers into a polished application.
- Corporate Critique: A parody of leadership culture, personality tests, and the illusion of executive competence.
- Empowerment Through Satire: Because sometimes the best way to fix broken systems is to mock them — and apply anyway.
Do We Collect Your Data?
Hell no!!
Our app collects no personal information and sends no user data to our servers. Anything you create or enter stays on your device unless you choose to share it directly with Vidalia News Recorder. We do not track you, analyze you, profile you, or aggregate any data. Your experience is completely private — a black box only you can see
How to Install & Security
This article shows exactly how to install the application from our servers. The application is hosted on our GoogleDrive.
The application is developed by a Google Play Store verified user and the application is digitally signed by using a Google Play Store Key.
Was This App Banned By Google Play?
FUCK. YES.
For all the fucking language.