Satiricus News-Journalix. Democracy Dies in Money, and Monkey Semen.

Science

Martian Biologists Begin Nonchalant Butt-Stuff With Monkeys to Stop Human Illiteracy

Article, Science, Society and Humanities

aliens, butt, butt-stuff, literacy, monkeys, probes
Bad-Boy Researcher at M.I.T. Invents New Gun That Goes “Pow! Pow!” Instead of “Bang! Bang!”

Article, Society and Humanities, technology

guns, MIT, research
Not To Be Outdone by Netflix, God Raises Monthly Subscription Tithes

Article, Business, International News, Media, Religion, technology

God, money, Netflix, pope, subscription rates, tithe
Nation’s Husbands Still Waiting for So-Called Male Loneliness Epidemic

Article, Healthcare, medicine

loneliness epidemic, male loneliness, see
ATI: How Effective is the Flu Vaccine?

Arguing with Stupid, Ask The Internet, medicine

9 out of 10 dentists, flu, lasagna, taxes, vaccines
Elon Musk Reveals He Does Everything and Can He Please Have Another $1T?

Article, interviews, technology

Elon Musk, podcast
ATI: What’s in The New iOS 26.1 Update?

Ask The Internet, technology

Apple, iOS, iPhone
Tech Moguls Launch New Lookalike Sex Bots: Tickle-Me-Jezebels

Article, Daily Life, Dumpster Fires, Relationships and Romance, technology

bond villains, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, sex bot, sex work, tech Moguls, technology, Zuckerberg
Wendy’s Announces New Dating App: The Bacon-Mater

Article, Promotional Content, Relationships and Romance, technology

app, bacon, Bacon-Mater, dating, online dating, Wendy’s
Having Skirted Women’s Issues, Science Vows to Handle More Boobies

Article, Science

bazoomba-yum-yums, boobies, boobs, Science, women, women’s issues
Grammar Anarchist Rages Against Grammar Nazis and Tyranny of Democracy

Article, Media, technology

grammar anarchist, grammar Nazi, muppets, puppet
Aryans Everywhere Start Demanding Reparations as 23&Me Data Leaked

Article, Society and Humanities, technology

genealogy, reparations
Modern Science Replaces Traditional Nut Cracker In Today’s Vasectomies

Article, Healthcare, medicine, technology

donkey, moose jaw, ninjas, vasectomy
New Lady Speedy Pee, by Mennen

Article, fashion, technology

brand management, invention, Mennen, urination
VNR UNCOVERS: Missing MAHA Report Finally Unearthed

Article, Healthcare, Politics, Science

5Gs, Linda McMahon, MAHA, research, RFK Jr, study, White House