Satiricus News-Journalix. Democracy Dies in Money, and Monkey Semen.

Article

Lazy Americans Miss Chance to Gain Federally Protected Status by a Few Snooze Buttons

Article, Society and Humanities

EEOC, lazy, Lazy Americans, protected status
10 Rules for LAUGHSMAXXXING the County Autopsies

Article, Listicle

autopsy, laughsmaxxxing
Janet Yellen Drops New Hip-Hop Track as Dolla-Dolla Fed’Ye feat. Lil Fed & Gov. Da Bank

Article, Media

Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve Bank, hip-hop, Janet Yellen, music video
Bank of America Ceases Operations to Chase Childhood Dream: Masturbating to Octopus Porn

Article, Business, International News

anime, Bank of America, BOA, commerce, finance, tentacle porn, wanktacle, world banking
VNR QUIZ: Were You Cleopatra In a Past Life, or Just a Cockroach in Jersey?

Article, Daily Life, Society and Humanities

cleopatra, listicle, quiz, roach
Mid-50s, Overweight, Balding, Divorced, Emotionally Crippled, Absentee-Father is Sure Zendaya is “The One That Got Away”

Article, Dumpster Fires, Media, Society and Humanities

stalking, Zendaya
Not To Be Outdone by Netflix, God Raises Monthly Subscription Tithes

Article, Business, International News, Media, Religion, Technology

God, money, Netflix, pope, subscription rates, tithe
How Billy Zane’s Fashion Daddy Destroyed Me

Article, Daily Life

bad luck, Billy Zane, black man, shoes
On “Potatoes Today”: How to Apologize for Cheating on Your Wife

Article, Media

apology, cheating, fickenjhümpen, hussies, potatoes, wife
Paramount Taps Donald Trump to Headline as Floppy Missile in “Oops I Trumped My Pants 2: Iran So Far Away”

Article, Media

camel, Donald Trump, Paramount
1/2 of the World’s most Influential People. Part 1

Article, Society and Humanities

2026, dumb-dumb, listicle, most influential people
Ask a Nut Butter Theologian: Why Did Moses Let Ex-Girlfriends on the Ark?

Article, Ask a Nut Butter Specialist, Religion

ex-girlfriends, Noah, Noah’s Ark, patriarchy
Toilet Paper Interview: “I Feel Like Sh*t”

Article, Interviews

toilet paper
GOP Cements Mid-Term Red-Wave via Gerrymandering The Red Planet

Article, Politics

aliens, democrats, gop, Mars, Uranus, Venus, voting
“Mein Kampf II: Gone Kampfing” Ridiculed for Anti-Feminist Arts & Crafts Projects

Article, Dumpster Fires, Society and Humanities

crafting