In the wake of the popularity of past life regressions many people are claiming to have been famous figures from history. Of curious note are the amount of people claiming to have once been Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt, yet there’s only been one recorded incident of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt. There were definitely a few Cleopatras BEFORE the seventh one, but only ONE seventh one.

An eighth? Mmmm… Sure? But no.

So, to help everyone with their Cleopatra identity confusion we created this simple quiz called…

Cleopatra? or Jersey Cockroach…

Hey Queeeen!!! Were you once the elegant, brutal, sensual, goddess of Egypt, known as Cleopatra VII? Or, maybe, instead, you were just a cockroach in a motel closet on the Jersey turnpike.

Let’s find out!

Quiz

1. Have you ever been to a rest-stop Burger King, or “Mike’s Diner”, on the turnpike, Y, or N?
2. Do you ever find yourself in dark places with oily residues, waiting until the crab rangoon buffet sits out for three more hours, Y, or N?
3. Do friends ever call you Sneaky Pete, or Lurky McGoo? Vinnie the Vermin? What about, Connor the Cockroach from The Turnpike, Y, or N?
4. When people call you elegant, are they: A) hoping you’ll ruin them in bed, or B) trying to keep you from pulling them under the refrigerator at 2:00 am, never to see the light of day?
5. What’s your go to item when you’re on a hot date: A) Chanel #5 perfume and stilettos, or B) a stale bag of Doritos and radioactive decay?
6. Have you ever been to Jersey, Y, or N?
7. Do you know where Jersey is, Y, or N?
8. Can you spell “Jersey”, Y, or N?
9. Do you ever get the feeling you were meant to rule a kingdom and that you were born from ancient magicks with tribal wisdoms, Y, or N?
10. Or is your brain sometimes, on a summer day, overtaken by a droning noise, like static tuned to a single note that gets louder, your eyes dim, and it gets louder, and you don’t feel human anymore, instead you feel the unquenchable hunger of billions of tiny minds, all chanting the same primordial urge to eat, to eat, to eat… And then you wake up, crawl out from behind the dumpster, and pull the dead pigeon from your mouth, Y, or N?
11. What’s in your snack bowl right now: A) honeyed dates, or B) musty underwear and Ketchup Pringles?
12. If you are old enough to remember the old gods of the Nile, has Death not taken you because of: A) your singular beauty never to be varnished for all eternity, or B) because even with a can of Raid Death won’t go near you with a ten-foot scythe?

Let’s score your results and determine if you were Cleopatra VII of Egypt in a past life.

Keep in mind, that in order to have possibly been Queen Cleopatra VII, you’ll need a score less than 5 pts.

Scorecard

Results

Well the search continues for the spiritual heir of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt. In case you were hoping for a different result, you can take solace knowing that you are one of us…

one of us…

one of us…