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The Bear is Tired of Being Chosen. All Fucked Out.

Article, Daily Life, Dumpster Fires, Relationships and Romance

bear, choosing the bear, crink-crink, gender equality, gender politics, ladies, stink-stink
Shakira Announces Plan to be Woo’d by Middling Staff Writer of Satirical News Source

Article, Dumpster Fires, Relationships and Romance

crink-crink, onn, settling, Shakira, the onion, Vidalia News Recorder, VNR
Trump Supports the Sanctity of Marriage by Claiming the Right of Prima Nocta

Article, Daily Life, Politics, Religion

Donald Trump, gop, GOP Jesus, JD Vance, penis, prima Nocta, Religion
VNR Announces: Dear Boo, We Are Your Husband’s Thirst Trap

Article, Daily Life, Dumpster Fires, Secret Relationships: Uncovered, Society and Humanities

thirst trap, Vidalia News Recorder, VNR
Not All Articles are Winners, Okay?! Gosh!!

Apologies and Retractions, Article, Dumpster Fires, Editorial

apology, brand management, Journalism, just be nice, RFK Jr, vodka
Sponsored Article: The VNR Announces Our New Large-Batch, Double Cheesy Shrimp Burrito Vodka

Article, Promotional Content, Scullery & Swill

burrito, cheese, shrimp, vodka
The VNR Accepts Cabinet Position in Trump-Vance Ticket as Secretary of Birthday Magicians, Silly String, and Giraffes

Article, Politics

Donald Trump, Gandalf, giraffes, gop, JD Vance, magicians, RFK Jr, silly string
GOP Announces Gun Reform to Stop Assassins Targeting GOP Presidential Candidates

Article, Business, Politics

Asshole, beta-cuck, Donald Trump, Elon Musk, gop, gun control, gun reform, guns
PCI Technology Enters Begrudgingly Critical Third Phase

Article, Business, Science

PCI, penis, tech, technology
Ask a Nut Butter Specialist: 10 Red Flags and How to Avoid Them, with Nut Butter

Article, Ask a Nut Butter Specialist, Editorial, Etiquette, Relationships and Romance, Society and Humanities, Staff Writers

almond butter, birds, cashew butter, crink-crink, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-2056, Eugene Levy, peanut butter, red flags, stink-stink
Sponsored Article: Have You Accepted the Prophet George Carlin Into Your Life?

Article, Promotional Content, Religion

cult, fuck you, fuck you. just be nice, george carlin, just be nice, rules
Haunted Garage Door Posts Rookie Murder Numbers

Article, interviews, Sports

garage, hell league
The VNR’s Best, Definitely-Real-Human of the Week: Aug 30, 2024

Article, Definitely Real Human Awards

Ayn Rand, beta-cuck, definitely-real-human, Q-Anon, Twitter
An Apology to Our Readers. We Got Scooped.

Apologies and Retractions, Article, Journalism and Ethics, Society and Humanities, Staff Writers

apology, breasts, crime, Glen Powell, Journalism, onn, Sydney Sweeney, the green lady, the onion
Summertime Inspirational Thoughts from Tantric Shaman Goddesses, Tiffany and Aaron

Article, Society and Humanities

goddess, goddesses, motivation, peanut butter, therapy, xenomorph

Our $3.50 AI robot will do Anything for search… but he woooon’t do that.
No, no. No he wooon’t do that.

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