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Satiricus News-Journalix. Democracy Dies in Money, and Monkey Semen.

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Haunted Garage Door Posts Rookie Murder Numbers

Article, interviews, Sports

garage, hell league
The VNR’s Best, Definitely-Real-Human of the Week: Aug 30, 2024

Article, Definitely Real Human Awards

Ayn Rand, beta-cuck, definitely-real-human, Q-Anon, Twitter
An Apology to Our Readers. We Got Scooped.

Apologies and Retractions, Article, Journalism and Ethics, Society and Humanities, Staff Writers

apology, breasts, crime, Glen Powell, Journalism, onn, Sydney Sweeney, the green lady, the onion
Summertime Inspirational Thoughts from Tantric Shaman Goddesses, Tiffany and Aaron

Article, Society and Humanities

goddess, goddesses, motivation, peanut butter, therapy, xenomorph
NASA Sends Baby Squid Into Space Preferring to Avoid the Term “Random Shit”

Article, Science

Bluntozorp, NASA, rich assholes, space
Ask a Nut Butter Specialist – Aug. 2024

Article, Ask a Nut Butter Specialist

cocaine, crink-crink, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-2026, Eugene Levy, Greta Thunberg, peanut butter
Men Ask: When Should I Start Masturbating on Office Zoom Meetings

Article, Business, Dumpster Fires, Society and Humanities

masturbation, White Poupon, work from home, Zoom
Brand Management Theory by 7y old Trevor McSchmedrickson

Article, pioneering child journalism, Relationships and Romance

brand management
Greta Thunberg Elected as Planet’s Lone, Responsible Adult

Article, Dumpster Fires, Politics, Society and Humanities

Greta Thunberg
Riding High on Fresh Wave of Hubris, Vidalia News Recorder Joins Twitter & Immediately Regrets It

Article, Dumpster Fires, Editorial, Society and Humanities

apology, Asshole, Journalism, Twitter
Humanity Inaction

Article, Politics

Asshole, Ukraine
Onion News Network Scores Dismal 79 Jords on Leikman-Gonad Scale

Article, Politics, Society and Humanities

blort, blorts, jord, jords, the green lady
Pioneering Child Journalism

Article, pioneering child journalism

glory holes, pioneering child journalism, sharks, world banking
Comcast Apologizes for Abusing You. Wants to Bring Her Friend Over to “Make it Up to You.”

Article, Promotional Content, Relationships and Romance

cable, Comcast, Commie
Local Hospital Opens Insensitive Care Outpatient Clinic

Article, Healthcare, interviews, Society and Humanities

Asshole, Death Panels, Healthcare, hospital, Mitch McConnell

Our $3.50 AI robot will do Anything for search… but he woooon’t do that.
No, no. No he wooon’t do that.

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