Satiricus News-Journalix. Democracy Dies in Money, and Monkey Semen.

Article

On “Potatoes Today”: How to Apologize for Cheating on Your Wife

Article, Media

apology, cheating, fickenjhümpen, hussies, potatoes, wife
Paramount Taps Donald Trump to Headline as Floppy Missile in “Oops I Trumped My Pants 2: Iran So Far Away”

Article, Media

camel, Donald Trump, Paramount
1/2 of the World’s most Influential People. Part 1

Article, Society and Humanities

2026, dumb-dumb, listicle, most influential people
Ask a Nut Butter Theologian: Why Did Moses Let Ex-Girlfriends on the Ark?

Article, Ask a Nut Butter Specialist, Religion

ex-girlfriends, Noah, Noah’s Ark, patriarchy
Toilet Paper Interview: “I Feel Like Sh*t”

Article, interviews

toilet paper
GOP Cements Mid-Term Red-Wave via Gerrymandering The Red Planet

Article, Politics

aliens, democrats, gop, Mars, Uranus, Venus, voting
“Mein Kampf II: Gone Kampfing” Ridiculed for Anti-Feminist Arts & Crafts Projects

Article, Dumpster Fires, Society and Humanities

crafting
Reviews of the New “Melania” Film Are In

Article, Daily Life, Society and Humanities

Melania, movies
7 ICE Thugs to Murder One American

Article, Not Funny, Police Beat, Politics

guns, ICE, murder
Fourth Grade Art Fair Kills Twelve, Wounding 3, Others Declared Criminally Insane

Article, Daily Life, Police Beat

art, art fair, Cthulhu, Miskatonic
The VNR Wins US Army Paramilitary Contract to Invade Greenland, or was it Iceland? DAMN.

Article, International News, Politics

Greenland, invasion, paramilitary
American Murder Propaganda

Article, Editorial, Not Funny

minneapolis, murder
Nation’s Husbands Still Waiting for So-Called Male Loneliness Epidemic

Article, Healthcare, medicine

loneliness epidemic, male loneliness, see
Holiday 2026 Message: Charity, Grace, and Suffering as Existence

Article, Editorial, Not Funny, Staff Writers

Charity, exist, existence, Grace, suffering
Dad Realizes He’s in Heaven When Family Finally Laughs At His Joke

Article, Local News

dads, heaven