Coming soon to magazine shops and bookstores near you is an erudite and timely publication about debunking common goldfish myths. The genius behind this publication is none other than Saul “Goldie” Fishman. Fishman is the brains behind other up-market publications like, “A Dinner With Salmon”, “Going Bullish with Sharks”, “What’s Your Sushi’s Name?”, and “Stanley Tucci’s Guide to the Playful Side of Italian Cannibal Cuisine.”

Starting this summer, Fishman is laying his latest golden egg, “Goldfish Myths Debunked.” After our initial review, this first issue looks like it will bring down the house. Through a combination of elegant page-layout, photography, and thought-provoking articles, “Goldfish Myths Debunked” could be another winner for the Fishman publication juggernaut.

While we feel this will help many “advanced” goldfish owners understand their pets in deepening ways, we do feel the magazine deals with advanced topics and doesn’t deal with novice goldfish topics like:

• Do goldfish still need water?
• Are goldfish homosexuals, or do they always look that fabulous?
• Gift ideas for your goldfish’s bat mitzvah

Other reviewers weren’t so favorable in their opinion of the new publication. Some vets and breeders went so far as to claim that this was a dangerous joke that really didn’t prepare owners to be successful in raising or maintaining their pet goldfish.

To this mounting criticism we responded with: “Ooh! Your feedback was REAL constructive! You must be a scientist or something! Because no one else would use evidence based reasoning and cogent articulation to make their points. That was SOOO smart! But have YOU considered the merits of astrology? You might be ‘smert’ but we KNOW fish horoscopes like the backs of our dorsal flipper-thingies.”

Despite these shortcomings, we know you’ll love subscribing to “Goldfish Myths Debunked”!

Watch out for our next issue where we ask the important questions:

• Do goldfish shit gold?
• If goldfish are out of water for too long do they become crunchy and vaguely cheesy?
• When goldfish are eventually tapped to be US Secretary of State, will aquarium tariffs be reduced?