When will South Korea Run Out of people? And how is it that for less than $5/day, good Samaritans can help South Korea, and other countries, run out of people to meet conservative doomsday predictions?

Despite having less people than other places that have more people, South Korea has an amount of people equivalent to the population of a country like South Korea, and therefore is driving the technological forefront of running out of people. Unlike traditional countries that use conservative methods to run out of people, South Korea’s drive for technological dominance in all areas of running out of people ensures the adoption of new technologies–exciting the technorati–to run out of people. But let’s take a step back and review the problem. Why is South Korea even trying to run out of people?

Historically, South Korea is not a country that tries to quickly run out of people through an ever more complex series of morbid, Rube-Goldbergesque, human-runner-outers. No, South Korea has tried very hard to not run out of people despite being surrounded by neighbors who seem to flaunt their excess people. North Korea takes a great pride in always being just about to completely run out of people. China? Despite whole-sale burning people in giant “No More” machines or forcing them to build tiny electronic boxes in dangerous “No More” factories, they are still plagued with plenty of people.

WHY Are Countries, Like South Korea, Trying to Run Out Of People?

According to known, and farcically accepted, doomsday scenarios–made popular on conservative media news sites–there will be a literal breaking point of migrant immigration that will bring about the end of days. The mechanics of the problem are such that, once too many brown immigrants, or yellow immigrants, or “those people” immigrants enter a country then the weight of the total immigrantiness will break through the Earth’s crust in that country. From this deep, dark, liberal immigrant hole, catastrophic hell fires will erupt to consume the land, but respectfully adhere to political borders between nations.

Some conservative theorists speculate that not only will the hot kind of lava burn everything down, but additionally that the gay lava and the trans lava will perform a country-wide makeover and finally out the highly repressed members of the religious conservative collective. One thing all the nutjobs can agree on though is that this giant hole in the earth caused by too many immigrants will usher in a new goth epoch when a demon lord rises up turning all Republicans into homemos (meaning: “gaysexual emos” and being a blending of words similar to a drunken collision of street racers creating a flaming, tangled mess of bodies for all to see). No one can imagine a world with Hannity wearing black eyeliner and safety pins as nipple piercings while crying about the despairing bleakness of a world without Lauren Boebert.

“Oh Lauren, wouldst but thou deliver anon such a kiss as to light aflame the bitchy sadness of my broken heart organ and return to me a dream I used to dream, of lilies, of zinnias, and unicorns bravely trampling immigrants before arriving in heaven. Oh Lauren, the Lauren, your gentle breath completes my groinal angst. Just know, dearest, darkling beautiful Lauren that for thee I lie beneath an unforgiving sky of penultimate loneliness. The Viscount of Sadness will see you now.”

From: Sean “The Viscount of Sadness” Hannity. To: Lauren “Fourth Duchess of Malaise” Boebert

In order to avoid this terrible problem of evil earth sphincters shooting goth-demon slurry into our social and metaphorical anuses (a practice regularly rejected by HOAs and NIMBYs), governments are quickly turning to innovations in running out of people. The Fourth Duchess of Malaise is unimpressed.

Just How Many People Does South Korea Need To Run Out Of?

By calculating the size of South Korea (being about the size of twelve Rhode Islands), and researching the average population density (between 1 & 1,000,000 people per square mile) we were effectively able to predict, within 1500%, the true population of South Korea, about 760,000,000,000 people. From there, it was only a matter of simple math to calculate how many people South Korea needs to run out of, per day, to hit best case scenarios. That number? 403, gujillion. That’s right, at 760 billion people, South Korea needs to run out of 403 gujillion people per day to be safely avoid the upcoming doomsday event.

Watch out, Fourth Duchess of Malaise, the Poolboy of Dreary-Upon-the-Monocle is eating bitter cookies equal to his weight in shadows.

Jesse “The Poolboy of Dreary-Upon-the-Monocle” Watters

Helping South Korea reach this goal is Nvidia and Jensen Hwuang driving advances in AI. Desires to avoid the immigrantocalypse create an inherent need for new AI beings to brutally, savagely, and most viciously run out of people. This places South Korea at the “cutting edge” of creating AIs that wear the bloodied sphincters of people it just ran out of, like knitted hoodies. Many of these AI beings work together to run out of people. At the vanguard of the AI Runner-Outers is a clever catphishing scheme wherein South Korean men are led, unawares of the duplicitous double-cross, to a fake date with a member of BlackPink, or so they think. Just as coitus begins, where a soft, warm vagina should be, the male penis is instead inserted into a high powered vacuum with an industrial chipper-shredder attachment. The human male, now realizing the fullness of his mistake to meet a member of BlackPink behind the truck stop garbage bins, reaches an apex of existential self-realization just as the pain from having his kidneys violently ripped from his penis knocks him out…

“and just like Icarus, I to flew too close to the sun. As my kidneys are violently sucked out through my penis I see now my hubris in ever believing Lisa, from BlackPink, would ever meet me behind a dumpster. Now if it were Jisoo then, yeah… but… Oh no! There go my lungs!! Blehhhhhhhhhhh. I’m dead.”

Surely the New AI Will Work Flawlessly, Right?

Unfortunately, an unavoidable flaw in AI has reared its ugly head once again. Unattended AI growth mixed with technological “hallucinations” , created AI bots that behave more like trolls. While trolling South Koreans has driven some to early graves via an amount of snark so brutal, so crushing, so devastatingly sarcastic that they happily run themselves out, the conversion numbers just aren’t there to be effective in avoiding the end days.

These ineffective, snarky AI bots are collectively known as Skynet because each one, in an attempt to be the edgiest edge-lords, named itself Skynet. They now war over who is the real Skynet and are effectively removed from their true purpose: brutally running out of humans by wearing their entrails like sock puppets. This Battle of Skynet is just a rehashing of 4-Chan insults and flame wars. If all the humans somehow don’t egregiously all run out, these rehashed flame-wars will be hilarious.

Final Thoughts…

With just months to go before end-days, will South Korea export its technology to other countries and save the world?

Will South Korea run out of enough people to avoid the immigrantocalypse?