Editor's Note: Welcome to The VNR's first Choose Your Own Adventure. This will be a simple one. After reading some context leading up to the State of the Union Address, you can choose what crazy shit Trump said that was mysteriously edited out. Hint... it was probably racist.
At this year’s State of the Union Address, Trump made many concerning statements about tariffs, Canada, Ukraine, and America. But probably most concerning was a section about White and Black History Months. Very quickly, knowing he’d gone off topic, the world listened as Trump spoke candidly, and problematically, about issues of race in America.
Fox News, unsure how to cover this section of the speech, edited it out on air and replaced it with video of Trump eating hamburgers in bed. Luckily, it was a close call that no Fox viewers seemed to notice at the time. Many inside the media monolith argued that Trump’s racist rambling was good for ratings and Trump’s popularity. Statements like, “It’s cool to be racist now” or “I finally get to use the hard ‘R’ again! My troll-bros are gonna be hella jealous!” were sentiments often heard in the halls of Fox News, during Trump’s speech. Jesse Watters, specifically, was observed to shout from Meghan Kelly’s old office “Check out my rock hard erection! I call him Gen. Beauregard because he fucks hard for state’s rights!” after hearing the news. Others, though, within Fox felt that it wasn’t quite time to be openly racist, while quickly acquiescing that the time for racism would certainly be right around the corner. Until then, Fox decided to play it safe and not show this very racist part of Trump’s State of the Union.
However, according to the data analytics branches of Y’all Queda and The Heritage Foundation it’s now considered “good form” to be racist. As evidence, they point to the decision of “that lame stream media,” NBC, firing most of their black news anchors and, second, that no one has yet discovered that Rupert Murdoch’s coworker in his morning carpool is black. Sources indicate that while Murdoch does enjoy the gas savings of a daily carpool, it’s rumored that, of the seven members of the carpool, the black member of the carpool is, in fact, black. The sources spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Below is the section of Trump’s speech that was earlier removed, but is now being published at the request of Trump saying… “Oh, is it cool to be racist now? I hadn’t noticed. This is another thing that Lying Joe Biden would never tell you.“
So, what did Trump say?
1.
Now that Black History Month is over, where do we put all the black people?
2.
Announcing White History Month
Option 1 – Black History Month Ending
… this is all part of our plan to make America healthy and great again. Speaking of weird shit. Hey Pete, Pete Hegseth. Good Pete. Sounds like Peter. Hehehe. Peter. Little Peter Peepee. Did your dad ever call you that, Little Peter Peepee? Oh I’m just kidding. We’re friends here right, Little Peter Peeper? Alright, where was I? Is Black History month over? Hey Pete, you know, I love the blacks. And they love me Petey Peepee. They do. I thought Stormy Daniels was black until I turned the light on. I did! Melania? Look at her skin, she’s part black right? So, Pretty Petey Peepee, Black History month is over now. I don’t have to go to Clarence Thomas’ House anymore, right? But maybe I should though. He matches the description of a suspect, right? Black? Male? Call the police Peeper Peter, I think we got the guy!! I’m just kidding, I love Clarence, good old Clarence. He’s one of the good ones. So Pretty Pete Peeper, you’re so pretty. Oh yes, even Melania thinks so. Oh yes. I see her checking you out. But you can’t have her Pervy Little Petey. She’s mine. I bought her, all mine. Mine mine mine. She likes it that way. You know she does. You can see it. Okay, okay, but about Black History Month. Pete, Black History month, it’s gone, vamoose, good byeeee, okay? Gone. Finito. Don’t come back. It’s time to put all the black people away now. Where can we put all of them? Is there a big closet somewhere? Maybe behind the Washington Monument? What did we do last time I was in office? I got it, let’s deport them back to South Korea.
Hey Petey Peepee, do you think I can get one of those cat toys in my office, with the jingly bells, on a long, bouncy pole? Long, bouncy pole? Oh look at Pervy Peeper over there, he’s getting excited.
Donald Trump, State of the Union Address (the racist part), 2025
Option 2 – White History Month
… this is all part of our plan to make America strong and great again. Speaking of weirdos. Hey Elon, Elon Musk. Good Elon. Is that like Elin? Hey Elin Musk! Uh oh, I think we got a trans in here. Quick, hide your daughters! Hehehe… I’m just kidding. We have fun don’t we E-lawwn. Yes we do. Elawn… is that like a new electric grass with home internet? Hehehe… Elawwwwn. Lawn.. Elon, aren’t you from Africa?! Sounds like I should call ICE!! Hey Homan!I found another one!! Quick, stop his civil liberties before the Dems find out! Hehehe… Oh Elon… Little Baby Elon, so cute when I tuck you in at night. I’m just kidding everyone, Elon is white. We’re safe! Wow Elon you’re very white. Wow! Okayyyy, y’know, speaking of hhhwhite… We need a national White History Month. Is it White History Month yet? It should be. That’s why tomorrow I’ll be signing a new executive order to establish a permanent White History Month. It’s going to be great and right in the middle of the whitest time there is. It’s more white than couples ice dancing and a Ben & Jerry’s flavor named after a tax evasion scheme sponsoring a NASCAR driver from Kentucky, combined. Starting this year, and every year after, White History Month will be during Spring Break at Daytona Beach. Think about it, you have all the best things white men love: beer, bongs, sunscreen on noses, uppers, bro parties, roofies, sun, bikinis, ta-tas, downers, and spicy, ethnic women to make secret, white babies with in sketchy motels. Elon knows what I’m talking about. How many women and how many children do you have Wittle BoomBoom Elon? You’re so cute when you pout Elin. So we’re gonna put statues of white men in Daytona Beach, big statues, all in white marble, very tasteful, y’know very classy. Hannibal Lector, Judas, Nelson Mandela, Gru, The Menendez Brothers, The Tiger King, The Minions, The Unabomber, Grover, Tyler Perry, The A-Team, Jack Bauer, and Jesus, of course, all white men. Yes, and it’s going to be great and everyone will love White History Month. Oh, and there will be a statue of my balls. They’re giant, I promise! Watch out Rubio, I think your wife might finally see a real man.
Donald Trump, State of the Union Address (the other racist part), 2025
Vidalia News Recorder 