To the world, America, and Veenarians (ie. proud readers of The VNR) everywhere–and Lower Temecula–the VNR can no longer support or endorse Trump as the farcical Puppet King of America he promised he would be when campaigning to be a tyrant. It was not an easy decision to rescind our support and we ask all Veenarians, Russian Twitter Bots, and Tech Bros to hear us out.

We believed, from the moment Trump first descended that escalator marking his opening bid to be the Great Russian Puppet-King of America, that he would truly be the greatest twat in the great chain of American Presidencies. Indeed, he had all the trappings to be the King Twat of them all, from Jackson to Ye, from McCarthy to Limbaugh, from Nixon to Fr. Coughlin to Bezos & Musk & Gingrich. His great, sluggish, corpulence already covered by a greasy patina of racism, bullying, idiocy, dirty dealing, ambivalence, and outsized self-aggrandizement, descended that escalator as slowly as the gears in his head were turning. In that moment, it seemed that America would finally be delivered from the evils of self-rule and democracy. So however incorrectly–thanks to hindsight–we supported Trump’s candidacy to be the flaccid Puppet King (proxy to a foreign aggressor) of America.

And then yesterday happened, the meeting with Zelensky. This promised to be an epic showdown of charisma and democracy vs ghoulish subservience and petulant cowardice. Clearly, the world was rooting for the ghoulish subservience. Right? I mean, who DIDN’T want to see a bag-of-shit traitor calmly claim victory in the face of evidence and popular opinion. The guy’s got all the best opinions, right? Yup, bigly fucking opinions, right up the ass of democracy. And yet… And YET!!! The Flaccid Puppet King of America failed to kill the Rosemary’s Baby of Democracy. How can an economy of unchecked Tech Bros survive if government oversight is allowed to continue in the form of a strong, democratic govt? Well… Trump fucked this one up.

His latest performative negotiations with the President of Ukraine showed Trump to be something far more sinister than a proxy Puppet King to a foreign aggressor. Indeed, it showed Trump to be an inferior, inept, bumbling, cowardly, oafish, lazy, and stupid Puppet King. An entire college course could be created to study the miserable performance of the Feckless Puppet President, #47. He completely failed to sell out a democratic political system, in the Ukraine, for a far improved Mother Russia system here in America. In a strong Mother Russia styled dictatorship, everyone would be free to live in fear. Think about it! Fear would be free! Capitalists wouldn’t be able to nickel and ruble you to death everyone you get afraid for your family’s well-being. Reality would only be what the bullies–Puppet King Loyalists–say it is, NOT learned people of science who hold truths to be greater than party dogma. Is that what you want?! In a beautiful Mother Russia, we would finally innovate through the theft of Western technologies making that pipeline of theft one of the largest economic drivers. We would finally be able to deploy our Goliath styled military still and fail to quash a democratic upstart like the Ukraine.

Think of it! America, where the fear flows free, Tech Bros reinstate legal slavery, and only the good party loyalists get a naughty spanking from Putin and The Gimp!

And this is what The Great Bloat failed to deliver. Trump boosted the global prestige of a democratically elected president through his own vapid, corpulence and torpor. We saw how the greatest shit stain to ever hold the office of President couldn’t even finish a fucking sentence or train of thought. He relied on his leading singer in an emo-cpac boy band of a VP to kick Zelensky while Trump gawped for enough air to keep raising his voice and attempt to sound important.

Trump proved to the nation and the world that he is, and always has been, unable to bring the level of intelligence and sharp thinking required to be successful. Anything he has, he earned through nepotism or bullying.

America deserves a better grade of puppet king for foreign interests. Someone who has the strength of criminality to really upend the beauty of a functioning democracy. This is why we renew our endorsement for Meg, the Overripe Banana that peeled up the Rust Belt vote in early primary polls.

Meg? You still there? We didn’t eat you yet, did we?