In a move that was completely predicted and precedented by centuries of corporate shill tactics and the great robber barons, wannabe-pretty-boy member of an aging boy band, Jeff Bezos, seizes control of the Washington Post editorial pages.
At this point, it brings us no joy in claiming that The Vidalia News Recorder is now a source of greater integrity than the Washington Post Editorial pages.
We are screaming at the lunacy in effect that makes us a greater source of integrity. It’s. Fucking. Bonkers.
Bezos’ attack on democracy via his fist around the throat of the press will do far greater harm than our constant writing of boob, poop, penis, dick, schlong, erection, third-leg, cock-o-the-mornin-to-ya, johnson, tally-wacker, and engorgulated phallus jokes.
A functional and free press corps should only ever be the champion of the people in order for democracy to work.
A press that champions only corporate interests is at extreme odds with a truly free market economy. We are surprised that this is not obvious, and yet… we feel that this is actually obvious to Bezos and what we’re witnessing is something more nefarious.
We are watching the monied leading the blind of the cliff of democracy into the darkness of tyranny.
And yet, we are also watching the fantastically short-sided idiocy of the monied as well. Like any Marvel villain that seeks to rule the world by taking all the money or resources from a populace, what happens when there’s no more money to take? What happens when the people can give no more? What happens when laws can’t compel a people with nothing left? And, why would a company seek to enslave a circumstance in which it flourished? Doesn’t an economy, where everyday people can live comfortably, better support a self-involved, megalomaniacal Captain of industry? Said another way… Isn’t it better to support the people and conditions that put you at the top instead of leaving everything behind and clawing for the thinnest air at the top of Mt Capitalism?
But, to be fair, what do we know? We are merely satirists who’ve studied history and can pinpoint time and time again when exacerbated wealth inequalities destroyed the fertile ground that allowed corporations to rise. Mao does anyone have some chairs we can borrow? If things keep up I hear we might be in for a totally revolutionary party!! And based on prior parties, no one wins there.
So, we want to ask, beg, implore, Jeff Bezos to use his wealth and status, across the United States, to please, for fuck’s sake, PLEASE, run a proper newspaper that supports people. If you’re an American originalist, you’d know that all wealthy, colonial Americans saw it as their duty AND privilege to use their station and influence to improve the lives of those less fortunate than them. Please, be a real American, and fucking care about regular people. You don’t have to stop your parties, or yachts, or events to hunt lobbyists, or whatever else rich people do. You can do more than anyone because you have so much you can do it with. And let’s be honest, Musk is so clearly in the pocket of the Nazi-Ketamine Lobby that he couldn’t see a black man if he tripped on one, physically or medicinally.
Until then, it is clear that no one will help the masses that built you up. Until then, you are the brain thinking it’s better than the heart, lungs, or kidneys, seeking to steal life support for only yourself. A brain without a body will also die, but will be too proud to notice as it breathes its last thought while staring in the mirror of its own glory, dying, dying, dead.
At this moment in America, no truth is greater than…
Vidalia News Recorder 