Long held to be a politically and internationally settled matter, the matter of Eeny et. al. v Tiger’s Toe was just upended this week when the Trump administration announced a major departure. A message from Karoline Leavitt, the White House Press Secretary, states…

“Good morning America. Donald Trump is making America great again by calling out global corruption and deep state politics. Communists are everywhere and this time King Trump will set the record straight.

“The United States no longer supports the Tiger’s Toe’s fight for independence from Eeny, Meeny, Miney, & Moe. It’s clear to patriots that the Tiger’s Toe wants to be repatriated by Eeny, Meeny, Miney, & Moe. As professional taxidermists and poachers for aphrodisiac supplements, these true patriotic leaders and deal makers at Eeny, Meeny, Miney, & Moe deserve the tiger’s toes, because they have its best interest in mind. No other taxidermists or poachers for supplements would be able to care so much for the Tiger’s Toe. Trust me, it’s what Putin says.

“But crazy Kamalaaah and sleepy Joe Biden would have you believe that the Tiger is attached to its toe. That sounds like a liberal entitlement that just makes the tiger weaker. It’s racist against tigers to think they need all their toes. Are these tigers starting successful poaching businesses or carrying on the American craft of taxidermy to future generations? No, greedy tigers everywhere claim they deserve their toes. But did they work for them? No! Every tiger knows it didn’t work for that toe, it was just born with it. That’s deep state entitlement. Tigers don’t start businesses. They immigrate to our country, they’re not native. They don’t pay taxes and they come to our country and they eat our pets. That’s right, they eat our cats and our dogs, and snakes and children and white babies. They come over the border and they eat our pets! I can’t believe it. But do they pay toe taxes? No they don’t! Our real American businesses deserve those toes! I promise to rebuild America’s poaching businesses and aphrodisiac supplement business.

“Trump will reinstate a $50 every day tariff on Tigers until they give American businesses like Eeny, Meeny, Miney, & Moe the tiger toes they need to Make America Great Again.”

Tigers everywhere respond by moving their tiger toes into foreign market businesses like Britain’s East India Toe and Japan’s Toeyota