Hey Queen!
Are you getting too much FOMO? Is your life just like a string of lefts with no Mr. Rights? Are you screaming “OK Boomer” to anyone that even thinks they know you or your life? Puh-leeeze. Only you know you Queen. Stay on your path because you literally, not figuratively, but actually literally, can’t do anything wrong. Your world. Your rules. And watch out bitches… This Fierce Queen is IN DA HOUSE!
Huh, maybe though. Like, what if the actual problem is that you think you can’t do anything wrong, and like, that, everything you do, is like, always right, even that time when you set your boyfriend’s cat on fire and threw it at the factory that makes highly combustible tampons, “for her comfort ™?” All because he decided to do homework for a night instead of rub your feet until you fell asleep? Or that time you got pregnant so he would never leave you, even though you don’t actually like him?
Just joking Queen! Fuck him. If he can’t handle you at your worst then he don’t deserve you at your best!
Where was I? Oh yes! Your labia! It’s stretchy, it’s popular, and it can turn your social life from Frown Town to Ball Gowns. Here are ten ways to use your labia to gain friends!!
INCOMING 📨 TRUTH HACK – Q IS DEAD. Y IS COMING. HACKING TRUTH INTO YOUR FACE WHILE SHEEPLE READ MIND CONTROLLING INTERNET GARBAGE DESTROYING YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW STOP YOUR SHADOW LIFE AND WAKE UP TO THE MIND TRUTH VACCINE.
Q IS DEAD
I don’t have much time. The great American hero has been silenced by you know who. Q+ is cancelled. Q-squared is KC or 6561, and Q-Tip is in my ear.
But there is another. He’s watching. He is Y Eponymous, also known as YEpon, or “Billy” from Mrs. Schuylkill’s sixth grade homeroom class.
Q purpose now dead. Heretics rule Washington, Japan, Bosnia, Lake Charles, and the Port Huron Bridge and Ferry Authority break room.
On July 16, HRC(π) will have four bowls of twelve strawberries delivered to thirteen different intersections in lower Manhattan, and Upper Wacker Dr. Follow the numbers: July 16 = 7-16, HRC(π) = 37*8. Then the strawberries: 4,12,13,2,56. Let’s do the math:
1. 8675309 - 8068583 = 911 x 666. That's how terrible it will be if every citizen can actually vote. It will be six hundred and sixty-six 911s.
2. 7 - 16 + 37 x 8 + 624 = 911 x 666 / 666. What the fuck America?!
3. Chemtrails
4. Truth vaccines > Lame Stream Media
5. 2a = 2*1a
Wake up Temecula, and mid Atlantic, Canadian provinces! Connect the dots. The signs are everywhere!
I’ll be back.
Hugs and Kisses, Y.
SHEEPLE CUCK LORD IS CLOSING IN. TIME TO GO BEFORE THEY FIND US. STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT Y TRUTH HACK, YHACK. REMEMBER: THEY CAN’T CATCH US IF YOU DO NOTHING.
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Lastly, after scrubbing the lekpsyotic shaft of your clectrophic unducer with a 5/8ths sable-tipped toothbrush, and burning off any residual steel wool, prepare your dragon-crystal adorned magic wand for the final four hours of Labia stretches.
Once complete, you’ll be able to entertain friends and neighbors alike by making shadow puppets of famous stars from the golden age of Hollywood, or historic G7 leaders by using only your wits, moxy, paper-mache, and (of course) your labia!
“Hey, is that the ghostly shadow of Yeltsin walking down the hall or are you playing with your labia again?! Maybe it’s Yeltsin. Maybe it’s your labia. Maybe it’s Labialline!”
Neither!! It was a labia shadow puppet of Boris Karloff all along! Watch as you make him dance the electric slide. Stretch and slide. Shift and shimmy. Now that’s a labia living its fiercest life.
Vidalia News Recorder 