Paris Fashion Show

Inside this inner-city warehouse, that sits like an inelegant scar against the Parisian sky, is this year’s most anticipated haute couture fashion show. Eat your hearts out Zegna, D&G, Fendi, and Carhartt. This year, fashion gets a new zaddy and is giving all the vibes. On the runway now is the prophetic designer responsible for this show, with the courage to go for broke and the design sense to cash in like lawyers double-billing that asbestos tort. Please welcome, Tom Hardware, of Tom’sHardware.com.

Hi. I’m Tom, Tom Hardware, and like many of my readers, I’m a… a nerd. Please, please. This is not a time for pity. I don’t need a GoFundMe page to help find a date. Without having done any research on this article about myself, chances are I’m a totally chill dude, named Tom Hardware, that likes computers and talking about computers and rating different computer components, for fun. But there’s probably another side to me, like many other fellow nerds. And this is something I’m fairly certain of even though, as I said, I’ve done no research on myself for this speech. As a nerd, something that doesn’t get talked about enough is that, like jocks, skaters, goths, and the pep squad, we nerds also like boobies, and the women attached to those boobies.

I know, this might be shocking news. That’s why under your seat tonight you’ll find an empty paper bag to take deep breaths into until the shock wears out. It’s okay. Let it sink in.

Yes, I can finally say it out loud, nerds like boobies. I wanted to stage this fashion show to reclaim the idea that it’s okay for nerds to like boobies. I mean, look at them, they’re like, y’know, I mean, like, round and squishy. Okay.. okay, Tom, deep breathing, look away. Okay… Yes.

So, why should jocks get all the boobies? I’m here to tell you nerds, they shouldn’t. We might also, at some point, with permission, also like to see a booby, sometimes. And that’s why I, Tom Hardware, of Tom’s Hardware, a totally real version of the real Tom for whom I once again did no actual research into but just thought “wouldn’t it be great if someone made an article about Anne Hathaway and pocket protectors”, without further delay, bring you, the Tom’s Hardware line of pocket protectors modeled tonight by Catwoman, I mean, Anne Hathaway!

I’m Tom Hardware.

Tom’s Hardware Reviews Tom’s Hardware Pocket Protectors by Tom Hardware

Tonight’s lineup is a glamorous romp through the versatile world of a wonderfully sensual yet practical item of haberdashery once believed to be the sole domain of nerds and dorks, but tonight we open the world to the allure, appeal, and practical protection against ink stains. Tom Hardware of Tom’s Hardware created and rates a pocket protector for every mood…

If palms could get pregnant then I’d be responsible for half the palm-babies in 2008-2009.

Anne Hathaway

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Anne Hathaway Struts the Catwalk with Protection, Pocket Protection

Anne Hathaway, today’s Goddess of Grace, Elegance, and Catwomanesque Allure, modeled the shit out of the pocket protectors on the runway tonight. She modeled that shit so hard that fashionistas and critics stormed Tom Hardware, of Tom’s Hardware, and practically shoved money in his face demanding orders of pocket protectors for their stores, blogs, and instas.

Before the evening wrapped, we managed to catch a word with the Goddess of Grace about the event. Here’s what she said.

I just think that wearing fashion that doesn’t represent my biggest supporters and fans, all those lovable nerds and dorks all over the internet, is like, what’s the point? They just love me, y’know? I mean, what’s not to love? I played Catwoman in their wet dream of all movies! Remember that thing I did with the leg lift and how I sat on that bat-cycle? Those little nerds and dorks are my fans for life now. If palms could get pregnant then I’d be responsible for half the palm-babies in 2008-2009.

So I’m here, you know, showing support. It’s been so great to work with the visionary at Tom’s Hardware, Tom Hardware. His genius created this eclectic buzz. It’s why we’re here, right? All because of Tom Hardware, of Tom’s Hardware.

I do this for all the nerds and dorks out there, without whom I would only be known as a truly great actress.

Dorks Up in Arms, At Least as High Up as Their Arms Get

But, dorks take issue with the fashion choice and claim it’s grossly mischaracterizing and plainly bigoted to assume dorks prefer pocket protectors.

We managed to find a dork and got his perspective on the matter. This is Phillip Dillup, treasurer of the Minnesota chapter of “Dorks and the Hot Babes that Sex Us.”

For too many years have dorks been forced to raise our arms up–as high as we can–against the oppression of nerd association. Pocket protectors don’t protect our hearts. No, my brothers and hot babes who sex us willingly, no they don’t! We need a defining style for dorks everywhere and we know what it takes, YES WE DO! We hereby demand that Sydney Sweeney, a known and celebrated hot babe, must model a line of sock support garters, Spider-Man themed suspenders, and tape for eyeglasses. If we can get these pictures of Sydney Sweeney showing her support for dorks then we can finally show the Fashion elite, like Anne Hathaway, that dorks might not be big but we can be well-dressed if provoked!