Editor's Note: Uhhhh... There's no easy way to say this. Our Lead Puzzle Editor, having been dead for many weeks and then revived by a traveling voodoo band, is now with child after a wild night in Kansas. Kansas... It boggles the mind. This is something we expected to happen in New Orleans on a particularly cloudy night in a nearby honky-tonk overlooking a fashionably sinister bayou. But uh... nope. It happened in Kansas... at a Walmart. So, our resident expert on romance (who also happens to be a 16 year old incel) came up with this one.

He hehe hehe hehehehe… Hehehe hahaha hehehe…

My name’s, “Hairy Palms.” Hehehehehe